Thursday, November 13, 2008

I don't know what I want but. . .

I know what I don't want.

A job where no matter how much time and effort I put in no one ever tells me I'm doing a good job, no praise for anything. A job where my manager is someone, in all honesty, deserves no respect because they don't do anything to deserve it. They act childish, lie, steal, and brag about things that just make them look like a worthless piece of shit. A job where I get paid less than what I deserve for all the work I do. I'd like a job where people actually get raises. A job where you get your hours cut for sticking up for yourself, and for the attention you get from guys. . . because that is seriously the attention I'm seeking, that of restaurant cooks.

I don't want friends who lie, who constantly befriend the people they try to "warn" me against. Friends who would rather get fucked up than keep their promises, who are disrespectful and jealous. Ones who sincerely hurt me, know so, and half-heartedly apologize only to do it again. Friends who talk shit behind my back, who try to preach to me when they're the ones who look like a walking joke. Friends who make fun of our other friends to guys, maybe to try and make themselves sound better? When all they do is look desperate, not that they care because things of the sort must be in their nature. Ones who have no self respect, which without is obviously hard to respect others.

I don't want an easy ride. I want to work hard for everything that I want, and I want to do it right.

I don't want a family who is racist, a family who capitalizes on any small imperfection to make themselves seem better. Even when they are the sad miserable ones who have no heart. I don't want a family that is jealous of each other, and you actually like breaking each other down.

I don't want to have to explain myself to anyone, and I don't want to live in a world where people think that separate is equal. Where those different create fear in others. A world where people can not except change or any different ideas.